My life is full of endless responsibilities. I play advocate, parent, wife, daughter, friend, and colleague, always morphing from one role to the next. It takes concentrated effort to pull this off. Someone always needs me for something, “Where are my gym socks? Hey, can you take a peak at my eye? Did you stop at Target for juice boxes and sandwich bags? Did you sign my permission slip?” As fellow moms, you can probably all relate. Though grateful for the wonderful people in my life, I sometimes feel like a prisoner.
It’s so freeing to give up those roles and just be me. I crave that respite from my daily life. I try to emmulate our book, “Conscious Unparenting” by placing my needs at least at the same level with everyone else’s. In fact this weekend, I put myself first. I let my husband take over my role of chauffeur, church goer, and frozen yogurt connoisseur! I escaped to the Cranwell Resort and Spa in the Berkshires with four wonderful friends. It took a lot of planning and money to make this happen, but the results were pure bliss! After a weekend of shopping, eating, drinking, and relaxing, I was able to reconnnect with who I am. I mattered. My effortless existence allowed me to stay focused. I wasn’t being pulled in a million directions and I didn’t have an opportunity to fail anyone, except myself. My need to adhere to all tasks went out the window when my friends told their tales of what life was like for them. They always leave me with the lesson that life is a balance and the scale can’t always tip to one side, or it’ll crash. They’ve taught me to be easier on myself. The stress goes away easily as our weekend of narcicissism provides endless delights. My twitching eye recedes, my stiff neck relaxes. I meditate and see the color purple. I later learn that this is my crown chakra. The ultimate universal connection- a “spiritual fulfillment.” Wow!
As the weekend draws to a close, I get scared of what awaits me at home. It’s just so different from carefree Dawn. I must resume my life as inmate. I follow the rules, so I know I’ll be out on parole soon enough. My memories from the weekend will sustain me for a little while, but only a short time. I will need to interject little times of self-care to make it through until my release. My fellow convicts will be there to encourage me and validate my feelings. Please hold me to this promise, as it’s a challenge for me to put myself first. For now, I’ll hope to get time off for good behavior. See you in the courtyard!