There’s Nothing Better Than Being a Middle-Aged Woman. So there.

Kim Kinzieaging, older parents, the '70sLeave a Comment

This is the third, and final installment, on my series on aging. About ten years ago, a friend forwarded to me a NY Times article with the subject line: “isn’t this great?” The article talked about the fact that today’s 30 and 40 somethings no longer relegate themselves to being boring suburbanites who get thick in the middle and wear frumpy clothes. These new age middle-agers are hip and cool, and, unlike their 20 something counterparts, have the money to sustain the lifestyle, able to afford those trendy $400 jeans and tickets to the small venue Def Cab for Cutie show.   Coolness lives on, despite ones age. (Looking back, I believe this article was foreshadowing the hipster movement). For my friend who felt that aging and being uncool were synonymous, this article was like a beacon of hope. For me, however, this was my worst nightmare, as my favorite thing about aging is the fact that, each year I care less and less about other’s perceptions of me.   I’m not cool – never have been – and I thought I could finally stop pretending. Damn you New York Times! The pretense began for me at a painfully young age; 1977 to be exact, when everyone in school loved the band “Kiss.” I couldn’t name any song they sang and was … Read More

The “I Wish I Was Invisible” Woman

Kim Kinzieaging, humor, older parents6 Comments

This is the second in a three-part series on aging and motherhood. It all started the day my first son was born. I felt the urge to pee so I stood up to walk to the bathroom. Upon my foot hitting the floor, my bladder released – completely – as I had absolutely no control.   Since no one told me this could happen, I felt no remorse at the large puddle of urine the nurse came in to clean up (a warning would have been nice!) I truly hoped this would not be my new normal. My body has fortunately bounced back in many ways since that day, but the former steel-like control I held over my bladder is gone, and it’ s not coming back. Why just the other day I took my boys to an indoor bounce place.   The urge came upon me, so I made my way to the ladies’ room. Midway I had to sneeze but, since it was the Friday of April vacation, I was slightly exhausted and spacey so I forgot to stop and close my legs. Achoo goes the nose; Swooosh goes the urethra.  Ugh. Time to go, kids! I constantly wet myself. Any cough, sneeze or extreme laughter unaccompanied by a hearty leg cross will result in, at the very least, a large … Read More

Meet the Invisible Woman

Kim Kinzieaging, humor, older parentsLeave a Comment

This is the first in a three-part series on aging and motherhood. Last week a video clip from the Amy Shumer show went viral. It featured some of my favorite middle-aged women -Tina Fey, Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Patricia Arquette – discussing the fact that, since they’re in their fifties, they’re now unf**kable by Hollywood standards. I have very sad news for these ladies, however. While Hollywood deems you unf**kable in your 50s, you’ve long outlasted those of us who don’t have access to personal chefs, three-hour fitness training sessions and endless plastic surgical procedures. For the lowly average gal, becoming unf**kable starts much, much earlier. It happened to me in my late ‘30s. After 18 years in Boston, where I could always turn the heads of, at the very least, a construction worker or man in his late 40s, I’d grown quite used to men giving me the once-over. This wasn’t because I was some drop-dead beauty, or wore revealing clothes; I was simply a woman of a youngish age, with a decent enough look. Most men would have done me, because, let’s face it, they’re just not that selective. At 37, however, I moved to Southern California where there’s an abundance of ridiculously gorgeous women in their 20s, traipsing around in a state of semi-dress, baring their perfect tans, fake breasts … Read More